Embracing Pride: Reflections on the South Asian Queer Experience
As June draws to a close and we gear up for the dog days of summer, I want to recap what we've learned and shared throughout Pride Month. We started the month by sharing tips and tricks on queer dating, put together a list of culturally sensitive and supportive resources for LGBTQ+ individuals, hosted an epic virtual panel discussion with prominent South Asian queer figures, took a look at celebrity relationships, and read a powerful coming-of-age story about a young queer Bengali boy set in 1970s India. Seeing and hearing so many diverse perspectives on the South Asian queer experience, there is a common thread I want to address in today's post to close out Pride Month.
Coming out is such a vulnerable experience that has the potential to impact not only your existing friendships and familial relationships but also how you interact with the world as you encounter new people through various communities. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, the process of coming out can significantly influence mental health, with individuals often experiencing increased self-esteem and decreased anxiety and depression after disclosing their sexual orientation to supportive others. This underscores the importance of a supportive environment when someone decides to come out.
We've heard about the internal struggles when it comes to understanding whether or not you're queer. The first step is essentially coming out to yourself. This involves a deep, often challenging process of self-reflection and acceptance. As the Human Rights Campaign notes, self-acceptance is a critical component of the coming-out process and can be a powerful step towards living an authentic life.
Then the hard part is figuring out who in your trusted circle you would like to share this information with and what their reaction will be. Will your friend still view you the same way? Will your parents get mad or disown you? Will that gossipy auntie at the wedding buffet spread ridiculous lies about you?
One of our panelists shared how he's not “out out.” He has gay relationships, and his friends and peers know of his sexual orientation, but his immediate family, apart from a sibling, is still unaware. Grappling with dual identities is also part of the coming-out experience. This duality can create a sense of isolation and stress, as individuals navigate maintaining their true selves while managing expectations and perceptions within their family and cultural communities.
Social media might have you believe that coming out is easy nowadays and that everybody is warm, welcoming, and accepting. While that’s obviously the goal and where we want humanity to reach, often that is not the case, particularly when viewed through a cultural or religious lens. In many South Asian communities, traditional views on family and sexuality can create additional hurdles for LGBTQ+ individuals. A report by the Trevor Project highlights that LGBTQ+ youth from religious or conservative backgrounds often face higher rates of rejection and mental health challenges.
In Kunal Mukherjee's My Magical Palace, we are transported back to old-world India and confronted with antiquated ideas about homosexuality and what that means for a respectable Brahmin family. We see how lying and hiding can lead to devastating results for any relationship, not just queer ones. The book serves as a poignant reminder of how deeply entrenched cultural norms can impact personal identity and relationships.
Another panelist told us that even though she was out, she didn't feel like her family fully accepted it until they met her current partner and the picture was complete in their minds. Now, her mother seems to be more understanding, and the way she’s welcomed her partner into their lives is joyful! This illustrates the powerful role that personal relationships and visibility can play in fostering acceptance and understanding.
An audience member asked one of our panelists how to handle disappointing family expectations around having children or grandchildren, or someone to take care of their elderly parents in the future—all responsibilities that many South Asian males have placed upon them essentially since birth. That panelist had a similar coming-out experience, and he shared how meaningful conversation and grace allowed him to help assuage his parents' concerns so that the coming-out experience, though bumpy, was not painful. This aligns with findings from the Family Acceptance Project, which highlight the importance of family support in promoting the well-being of LGBTQ+ individuals.
Lastly, when you are living with an identity that you are afraid to share with the world or are unable to share, the duality has a huge impact on your mental health and physical well-being. Living openly and authentically can significantly reduce stress and improve overall mental health. While we know coming out isn't easy and has trauma associated with it, in the long run, it is best to be open and honest with yourself and the people in your life so that you can live a truly beautiful and authentic one!
