The Politics of Dating in the South Asian American Community: Why Values Matter More Than Labels

It’s often said that politics don’t belong in relationships, but in reality, politics can be a reflection of the values that form the very foundation of a partnership. This has never been more relevant than today, as South Asians in America witness history unfolding in the political arena. Kamala Harris, the first-ever South Asian vice president, is now a Presidential nominee. At the same time, Donald Trump’s running mate, JD Vance, has an intimate connection to our community—he’s married to Usha Vance, a South Asian woman who, like many of us, bridges two worlds.

This juxtaposition—Kamala Harris representing the highest ideals of what a woman of South Asian heritage can achieve and JD Vance, whose family life is publicly intertwined with ours—reflects the evolving relationship between South Asians and American politics. Traditionally, many in our community lean left, voting for Democrats due to their immigration policies and commitment to equality. After all, it was Democratic politics that paved the way for many of us to be here in the first place. In fact, years ago, when I met Parag Mehta in Chicago, he shared a story about how Texas Governor Ann Richards once told him: “Honey, you dance with the one who brung ya.” Meaning that the very people and policies who fought for our inclusion deserve our loyalty.

Yet, there’s an undeniable tension. As South Asians in America gain wealth and success, there’s an undercurrent of conservative ideals creeping in—particularly around financial policies. The perception that Republican policies like tax cuts for the wealthy might serve our financial interests has attracted some to shift their alignment. But here’s the catch: while some embrace these policies, they often shy away from supporting figures like Donald Trump, whose bombastic and divisive personality creates a “cult of personality” that even some of his supporters find hard to stomach. This is where we see values clashing with political ideologies.

Even within relationships, this clash can show up in subtle but impactful ways. For example, JD Vance has publicly praised Usha’s mother for watching their children, allowing Usha to pursue her career. But the way he’s used this as a political platform—claiming that grandparents are the solution to America’s childcare crisis—feels reductive. The South Asian concept of "it takes a village" has always been about community support, not forcing women into traditional roles or exploiting family resources for political gain. This is an example of how political rhetoric can distort values that many South Asians hold dear, especially when it comes to family dynamics and the role of women in society.

And then, there’s Kamala Harris—a name that resonates deeply with me, as my own grandmother was named Kamla. Kamala Harris’ rise to the highest echelons of American politics is a source of immense pride for many of us. Her heritage, experience, and the way she carries her South Asian identity as part of her political platform is a powerful reminder of the potential we hold as a community. Her political journey is not just about policies; it’s about representation, breaking barriers, and creating a space for others like her—and us—to follow. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?

This is why the idea that politics don’t matter in relationships is fundamentally flawed. Politics are deeply tied to values—how we view society, justice, equality, and community. As South Asians in America, we have to navigate the complex intersection of heritage, tradition, and modernity. Our political choices reflect how we balance these influences, and ignoring those differences in a relationship can lead to deeper conflicts later on.

But it’s not always about labels. Not every South Asian Democrat believes in "woke" ideology, and not every conservative supports extreme right-wing policies. It’s about understanding the core values behind those political affiliations. Does your partner share your values on equality, family, and society? Do they believe in the same level of compassion for others? It’s these questions that matter far more than the political label someone wears.

In the South Asian community, where family plays such a central role, political alignment isn’t just about your relationship with your partner—it’s about how you navigate the world as a unit. Whether it’s agreeing on how to raise children, how to handle finances, or how to engage with the broader community, these values manifest in ways that go far beyond party lines. Ignoring politics in dating is, ultimately, ignoring an important part of how we understand and interact with the world.

So while it may seem easy to say that love can rise above political divides, the truth is, those divides often reflect deeper values that can’t be ignored. If Kamala Harris' story teaches us anything, it’s that our heritage and values matter, and those values should guide us in all areas of life—including love.