Dating Isn’t a Dirty Word: What South Asian Singles Can Learn from Michelle Obama’s Dating Advice

For certain millennial women like myself, Michelle Obama is more than a public figure — she’s the gold standard of grace, leadership, and self-awareness. She shaped not just our political thinking, but how we learned to handle criticism, carry ourselves with dignity, and keep family and faith at the center of our lives.

Post-White House, Michelle has only deepened her impact. Between her bestselling books, Netflix series, and her new podcast with her brother, she continues to speak directly to women who are trying to live meaningful, grounded, and authentic lives.

Recently, she said something about dating that stopped me in my tracks — partly because it was refreshingly honest, and partly because it perfectly captured what I see every day in the South Asian singles community.

She shared that she encourages her daughters, Sasha and Malia, to date a lot.

Michelle Obama/Instagram

“I just try to get them to stay open to people,” she explained. “The thing that I did do was date a lot. And so when Barack showed up, I had experiences to compare him against. I knew what I didn’t like.”

That advice may sound simple, but it’s profound. And for South Asian singles, it’s revolutionary.

The South Asian Fear of “Dating”

Somewhere along the way, dating became a dirty word in our community. We treat it like something shameful, something to hide until the wedding invitations go out. Yet, so many of my clients — bright, accomplished, family-oriented South Asian men and women — tell me they haven’t been on a single date in over a year.

They say they want marriage, but they’re terrified of the process that gets them there.

Instead, they’re waiting for the perfect match on paper — someone from the right community, with the right degree, the right job, and the right zip code. They skip the coffee, the conversation, the chemistry.

But love doesn’t grow on paper. It grows in person.

You can’t know what truly connects you to someone until you’ve shared space with them — whether that’s a spark over chai, a mutual laugh over something ridiculous, or the sense of calm that comes from simply being in their presence.

Experience Is Not Wasted Time

Michelle’s advice reminds us that dating isn’t just about finding “the one.” It’s about learning who you are in relationships — what you need, what you value, what you won’t tolerate.

A bad date isn’t a failure. It’s information.
A breakup isn’t shameful. It’s wisdom earned.

Too often, we’re so afraid of divorce that we never give ourselves permission to date. But here’s the truth I tell my clients: a breakup now is infinitely better than a divorce ten years later — especially when kids, family expectations, and shared lives are involved.

Dating helps you build the emotional intelligence to recognize compatibility early on. It helps you spot red flags before the marriage proposal. It teaches you to communicate, to set boundaries, and to discern what truly matters beyond degrees and last names.

Dating Is Your Due Diligence

Think about how you approach your career. When you apply for a job, you don’t just accept the first offer that looks good on paper. You go through the interview process. You ask questions. You assess the culture fit.

Barack Obama/Instagram

Dating is the same. It’s your due diligence for your emotional future.

I’m not saying settle. I’m saying show up. Be open. Let yourself be surprised.

Because if you’re waiting for the perfect person to appear — someone who meets every expectation without you ever having to take a chance — you might be waiting forever.

Let’s Redefine What Dating Means in Our Culture

Dating doesn’t make you less traditional, less serious, or less “marriage material.” It makes you intentional. It means you’re investing time in understanding what kind of partnership you actually want — not just the one your parents or peers say you should want.

And in 2025, we need to stop worrying about what “people will think” and start focusing on what will build a healthy, lasting marriage.

Because the truth is, love is built on lived experience — not family checklists.

So to all my South Asian singles out there: take Michelle Obama’s advice to heart. Get out there. Date. Learn. Reflect. Repeat.

You’re not wasting time — you’re doing the most important work of your life.