Matthew McConaughey’s Bedroom Advice: Why Smaller Beds Build Bigger Intimacy in Relationships
When Matthew McConaughey released his new book Poems and Prayers, one particular piece of advice caught people’s attention—not about Hollywood, fame, or money, but about something far more personal: his bed.
He and his wife, Camila, choose to sleep in a queen size bed instead of a king. Why? Because in his words, a king creates “a chasm” between partners. Too much space encourages distance rather than closeness. A queen, on the other hand, keeps them within reach—able to cuddle, spoon, or simply touch. He argues that this simple act of maintaining physical closeness in bed deepens intimacy in marriage.
At first, I brushed this off as a quirky celebrity insight. But then I caught an episode of The Paper (the new mockumentary spin-off of The Office), where Mare delivered a line that hilariously echoed McConaughey’s wisdom. In one scene at a mattress store, she blurts out:
“Oh my god, I just like being held okay? What’s the point of sleeping with someone when you can’t even feel them because the bed is so big. Like a king bed, like okay good night see you tomorrow hope nothing bad happens to you in your sleep because I’d never know about it.”
Poems & Prayers Book Cover
Her line is played for laughs, but paired with McConaughey’s heartfelt poem, it hit me differently. Two very different voices—one a Hollywood actor reflecting on marriage, the other a comedic character exaggerating the absurdity of a king bed—were saying the same thing: too much space in bed can actually create too much space in your relationship.
The King-Sized Trap
Let’s be honest: most couples dream of upgrading to a king-sized bed as soon as they “make it.” More space feels like a luxury. It’s practical when kids crawl into bed or when the dog insists on sleeping at your feet. But what begins as an occasional co-sleep situation can quickly become the new norm.
The result? Partners retreat to opposite sides, devices in hand, with a pet or child in between. What fades isn’t just sex—it’s touch itself. Over time, that lack of physical closeness bleeds into daytime life, making casual intimacy (a hand on the back, a quick hug in the kitchen) feel awkward or absent.
The truth is: intimacy doesn’t disappear in one dramatic moment. It fades quietly, night by night, inch by inch across a too-big mattress.
Why McConaughey and Mare Are Right
A queen bed doesn’t mean you’ll be glued together all night. There’s still enough room to stretch, roll over, and breathe. But there’s also not enough space to avoid each other. Legs intertwine, arms brush, spooning happens naturally. That subtle touch sends a powerful message: we are connected.
And while the concept of a “sleep divorce” has gone mainstream—where couples sleep separately because of snoring, restlessness, or mismatched schedules—the long-term costs are high. Addressing the root causes (screen time, poor diet, snoring/sleep apnea, or investing in the right mattress) is a healthier solution than eliminating the nightly ritual of shared sleep altogether.
The South Asian Lens: Children, Culture, and Intimacy
Smaller bed sizes lead to more intimacy in relationships. Image created by ChatGPT
Here’s where I see a particularly important connection for South Asian couples. In our community, it’s common for children to co-sleep with parents well into their school years. This is often rooted in tradition, limited space, or simply emotional comfort.
But the tradeoff is steep: intimacy between partners takes the back seat. Over time, your child becomes the center of your nightly closeness, while your spouse drifts farther away—sometimes literally. And many parents look back, years later, wondering when that physical bond with their partner disappeared.
For singles entering relationships today, it’s worth asking yourself: How will I prioritize my partner once children come into the picture? Because building a healthy marriage requires not only emotional and financial investments but also physical ones—like the deliberate choice to stay close, even in sleep.
South Asian traditions of co-sleeping lead to physical and intimate separation between couples. Image created by ChatGPT.
Advice for Singles and Couples
Whether you’re dating, newly married, or years into a partnership, here are a few takeaways:
Try the queen bed test. If you’re sharing a king, notice how often you touch your partner at night. If the answer is rarely, maybe McConaughey and Mare are onto something.
Don’t outsource intimacy to your kids. Co-sleeping might feel comforting, but your marriage is the foundation of your family. Protect it.
Address sleep issues together. If snoring, restlessness, or mismatched bedtimes are the problem, find solutions that keep you in the same bed—not separate rooms.
Remember: intimacy is built in the small moments. It’s not just about sex. A hand on the arm, a brush of the leg, falling asleep back-to-back—all reinforce connection.
Closing Thought
Sometimes the smallest choices—a queen bed over a king—make the biggest difference. If you want closeness in your relationship, don’t just look at the big gestures or grand romantic trips. Look at your everyday routines. Look at your bed.
Because the truth is, intimacy is not something you can schedule once a week. It’s something you nurture every night, one touch at a time.
South Asian singles—if you’re still searching for your life partner, keep this lesson in mind: the way you structure your shared life (and yes, your shared bed!) is just as important as the love story that gets you there.
